


Gravedigging for the Living

by jaceyboiii



Category: Naruto
Genre: Beheading, Comedic dismemberment, Dubious Consent Kind Of, Mild BDSM, Mild Gore, Multi, Polyamory, Sadomasochism, Strong Language, Switching, dom/sub dynamics, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaceyboiii/pseuds/jaceyboiii
Summary: A culmination of events that starts with a beheading, and ends hidden in hot water
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto), Hidan/Konan (Naruto), Kakuzu/Konan (Naruto), Kakuzu/Konan/Hidan (Naruto)
Kudos: 10





	Gravedigging for the Living

"Hidan lost his head. Again."

A finely sculpted brow arched a millimeter higher on Konan's face, the movement incremental and easy to miss but wildly expressive by her standards. "I take it you aren't speaking figuratively."

"In as literal a sense as could be," Kakuzu groused, chucking the aforementioned Jashinist's scythe to the ground by the entrance of the Akatsuki hideout. One could be mistaken to think this was a thoughtful gesture, bringing his scythe back in his absence, if not for the fact a severed forearm and hand still had a firm grasp on the weapon's handle.

The olive green nail polish and ring inscribed with "three" on the pointer finger were a clear indicator as to whose disembodied limb it was.

"Lovely," Konan hummed malcontentedly, watching the hand unlatch itself and thump to the floor with a twitch. "Not dead, is he?" 

"No no," assured Kakuzu, dusting off his cloak before making his way to the common area where the blue haired woman had situated herself and her folding paper. "He might wish he was when I get my hands on him for losing the bounty I had been tailing. But no, he's simply scattered throughout the Land of Hot Water."

Konan chuffed a bemused sigh, leaning out of the way as Kakuzu stepped around to join her at the kotatsu in the middle of the room. A delicate pot and a set of small cups sat at the opposite end of the table over the furniture's heat source. " _Simply_ is an interesting choice of words. Tea?"

The man nodded with interest, tucking the futon over his lap as Konan pressed the back of her two forefingers against the pot. Satisfied that it was still hot enough, she acquired another of the cups, gently pouring tea into it before topping up the one in front of her.

"Butterfly pea flower?" Kakuzu intoned, giving the deep indigo liquid in his cup and small slosh before raising it to his nose. A deep inhale, then a thoughtful addition of "With lavender."

With an appreciative cast downwards of her chin, Konan watched as he lowered his mask, pressing the cup to his lips and taking a sip. It slid into his mouth smoothly, playing floral notes across his tongue and spreading warmth down his throat as he swallowed. He let his eyes fall shut and a deep breath of relaxation unwrenched the tension in his shoulders, the cup prised carefully in both hands atop his lap. "Thank you."

"Of course," she nodded, taking her own dainty mouthful with a private touch upwards at the corners of her lips.

The pair sat in comfortable quietness, a rarity in the Akatsuki headquarters that they both relished every moment of. Though they hadn't much in common, Kakuzu took pleasure in the woman's calm air and lack of compulsions for needless chitchat - a feeling that was most certainly mutual.

"I can't put my finger on why Hidan acts the brash way that he does," Kakuzu eventually mumbled, thumbing over the edge of his cup with his eyes still closed. 

Konan took pause, pursing her lips loosely. "For his religious beliefs?"

He shook his head. "How he prays to his god is his business, whether I care to understand it or not. It's the running headfirst into situations he's wildly, vastly outnumbered in with reckless abandon, that's beyond me."

"Oh, the frivolities of youth."

"Youth _and_ immortality," Kakuzu chuckled, the sound deep and rumbling from his chest. "What a horrible prospect." 

"Does gaining immortality later in life make you better?" 

"It makes me wiser." 

"Fair point," Konan suspired. She propped her elbow on the tabletop and rested her chin in her upturned palm, dragging the pinkie fingertip of her free hand along a scarred fold of the piece of paper she had been working on while she was alone. Directing a small current of chakra down the length of her finger, the paper slowly curled upwards, folding over itself almost of its own accord. This continued until a small lotus took shape, perched neatly beside her well manicured hand. "How bad is the damage?"

"Both legs severed, likely buried in a swamp. Torso and an arm, taken home as a trophy no doubt. One arm safely returned. And his head… Somewhere."

"I thought the people of Yugakure were peaceful."

"Everyone has their limits. Especially when it comes to that little shit," Kakuzu shrugged, placing his now empty cup down and folding his arms over his chest. "I personally don't blame those shinobi for punt kicking his head into the far distance once it was off of his neck." 

Konan withheld a snicker, turning her mouth into her palm to hide her amusement.

"It was like a football. A loud, blathering football. Irresistibly kickable." 

"Don't be cruel." 

"I face enough cruelty being teamed up with him, it has to be my turn by now." 

Before Konan could get a sympathetic word of reason in edgeways, a head of spiked orange hair entered her peripherals, drawing on both parties' attention. 

"Kakuzu," Pein announced, his voice commanding in its flat bass. "I read your report on the mission." 

"I sent it ahead of myself," the immortal confirmed, affixing his mask back over his nose. "To ensure a swift plan of action once I returned." 

"That was well-informed. Thank you, Kakuzu."

Konan intoned with a calm curiosity "What's to be done?" 

"Laborious as the task of retrieving…" the man paused, eyebrows knitting together in contemplation. "The _rest_ of Hidan may be, we as an organisation promise protection to our members. So, as long as there is a chance he may still be alive-"

"I need to go find him?" Kakuzu grumbled with disdain.

"Precisely."

"Great."

"It's clear the enemy that put us in this predicament isn't a force to be reckoned with alone," stated Pein, clasping his hands behind his back. "It would be wise to go accompanied."

"To make sure I don't tear him to even smaller shreds, if nothing else." 

"I'll go," Konan assured, facing Pein fully. "I'm experienced with stealth missions on that kind of terrain. They'll be expecting Kakuzu, he can divert their attention while I retrieve Hidan."

He spared a moment to consider, before nodding firmly. "Don't engage them longer than you have to. Make a clean escape then lay low. We don't need any more unnecessary attention drawn to ourselves before we recoup. Leave at dusk."

Both Kakuzu and Konan gave a respectful incline of their heads towards their Leader, him regarding them a dismissal before stalking out of the room into the darkness of the hideout.

"It's always Hidan that brings us together," the immortal groaned, pressing his hands to his knees to support himself into a standing position.

Konan mused a "Just like when we recruited him," as she started stacking the cups and grabbed the teapot to clean and bring back to her quarters.

"Think we'd be missed if we took our time with this mission?" 

"Whatever for?" 

"Some damned peace and quiet." 

Konan smiled softly, wagging a playful finger at him as she got to her feet with her accoutrements balanced on one hip. "That would rouse suspicions." 

"Suspicions?" 

"It's no bother to me where our associates' minds might go, but it would mean gossip and chatter." 

Kakuzu shuddered at the thought. "I can do without that."

"Likewise. I'll meet you outside at sun down?" 

Confirming with an appeased hum, Kakuzu gave way for her to leave the common area ahead of him before they departed each other's company to prepare for the journey to Yugakure.

**Author's Note:**

> I was majorly into Naruto about 10 years ago then forgot all about it, until a recent breakup that needed a bit of nostalgia and TLC, so here we are!  
> Hidan and Konan were a huge comfort ship for baby me back in the day, my eyes have since been opened to polyshipping and I regret nothing  
> Please feel free to give feedback or thoughts on this as it goes forward, I hope you enjoy 💜


End file.
